BANG!!!! This is the shot that rang out when I was about 5 or 6 years old and would be the beginning of a life filled with near misses. The bullet grazed my head so I would live to see another day. This was the first recognizable event in my life that I could put my finger on that God was looking out for me. I couldn’t realize the gift of God’s grace at that stage in my life. 
 

   I was a young boy when this accident occurred playing with some kids whose father worked as a police officer.  One of the kids discovered their father’s gun while we were playing and we decided to use the gun to play cops and robbers. The firing of the gun was purely accidental.  This was not to be the last time that my life would be spared on this journey. It was however, the last time that a gun pointed at my head was done so unintentionally.  I would come to realize later in life that there was always some force looking out for me and protecting me.  I had no idea at such a young age who God was or that he had a plan for my life. I had no idea that my life would be filled with such turmoil and then evolve into such a purposefull existence.

    This is my life story. These are the events that have shaped my soul, outlook and spirit. These are the lessons and spiritual events that have led me to a place of contentment and self-understanding that I cherish today.  It’s remarkable that I lived through these events and today have the opportunity to look back and see how the wonders of God have been there for me even when I was in my deepest darkest hole of despair. During my journey His favor and grace have often carried me and pushed me in the right direction despite my self destructive behavior and harm I inflicted on others. The pushing part was painful but necessary for someone who loved to be in control.
 

   Many of the events that I will share in this book I will never be able to fully understand. Conclusions that I have gleened from those events in the past and share in my writng are based upon my limited knowledge today about how my higher power works in my life. I realize that I will never possess the requisite insight to digest and expound on the “how” and “why” God shed his grace on me. I probably couldn’t understand or handle all the answers today anyway.  Knowing me I would probably screw something up if given all that wisdom. It's enough for me today to just think that God was trying to help an egomaniac learn some humility and a lesson or two about living a life full of gratitude and forgiveness. Or maybe simply he knew I could live thru it all and would be able to share some of my lessons with other people.

    My hope is that from these pages you will be able to see yourself in some of my events and God moments. My prayer is if you are bi-racial or parents of a child that is mixed, a drunk or addict, parents of someone suffering from an addiction, victims of sexual abuse, or even one of those normal humans who people think exist that you will find a little of you in my story.  Maybe if you have any feelings of loneliness and uniqueness they will start to diminish, and be replaced with hope and desire long enough to recognize that you too are on an amazing journey. I would only ask that if you dig deep enough you will see that my life and experiences extend much farther than just to someone who is bi-racial or a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. If you struggle with being happy, lonely, depressed or just feeling blah you will be able to draw from my experiences and discoveries.
 

    Our journey’s have been laid out for each of us already by our higher powers. Our own personal God has done the work and will continue to do so despite what we want him to do and when we want it to be done. I beg that you find a higher power greater than yourself. Lean on that God. He can take the pressure, trust me. Ask your friend (God) and personal savior that your will and His become perfectly inline with each other and moving in the same direction. We just need to acknowledge that there is a power greater then ourselves who has the weight and depth to solve all of our problems and who is in total control of our lives wanting only the best for us. When this door is cracked in the least bit - Watch Out. You are in for a great ride.
   

    Everyone has their own journey and purpose for being here.  I may never know exactly what my purpose is on this earth, but today the real joy and pleasure is in the journey. I will admit that there are days when I “know” that his will and mine are in perfect synergy.  Those days are the best. I feel like I am living in that 4th and 5th dimension of existence. I am always amazed when things happen to me that can only be explained as a “blessing” or intervention by God.  The excitement I feel can best be described as childish. It gives me that feeling of being a little boy at Christmas.  There are moments during the journey when I will have an awakening of sorts.  I call them “Ahh” moments.  It feels as if just for that very moment, I have been given a glimpse of enlightenment and would say to myself “ahh, I get it.” It feels better than any drug that I have ever used in my life. I along with everyone else has these moments and blessings. The difference between mine and others is I am looking for them everyday. So when they do occur everyday I can recognize his presence and guidance.
   

    The events that I will describe in this book are unique and special.  They are unique only because they occurred in my life.  Every person’s life is unique and special.  Each life is made up of unique events that are different from all other people in this world. These are merely my experiences and that’s what makes them so unique.  It does not, in any way, mean that I am more deserving or special than anyone reading this book. I am not; it's just that my events are uniquely mine. 
   

    I am just a human and I have all the same characteristics as any other human. My emotions run the full range, just like yours.  I can be lonely, tired, jealous and angry, as well as, loving, caring and compassionate.  That sounds simple today for me to admit, but trust me it took a while for me grasp that concept. I always wanted to be different. As long as I thought I was different, it would always justify my feeling of being misunderstood. It would cement the idea that no one else could possibly understand me or my feelings and so why should I share my thoughts or fears.  But what I learned is that we are all alike. We all want to be loved. We all want to be understood. The question is how do we get to that point of feeling at ease with the comfort that love and understanding gives us? Do I need to be understood or should I be understanding? What is love. I mean real love? If I saw or felt it would I even know that it was love? These are some of the questions that have been answered for me during this journey.
What I have also learned is that if we look for the miracles and special events to occur in our lives, we will find them; no matter the degree to which we have fallen or the heights to which we have risen.  We will all have times in our life when things just don't seem fair. Every disappointment and burden in life we will try and shoulder on our own. We will blame and beat ourselves up until we become immobile and unable to live freely.  There will also be times when hope and love will seem as if they are so far from our reach that we give up on the idea that anything good will ever come to us. It is during this time that we begin to believe that love could never enter into our lives. I hope that after reading this book you will be able to define what is good for you and a definition of love that is real and good. You will be able to see yourself through a new pair of glasses.
    I made a choice during this journey to recognize that there is a loving God who has done some cool stuff in my life that is worth sharing. It is God's grace throughout these events and the principles of AA that have written the prescription for the glasses that I wear which gives me this awesome view of myself and life. If I had the opportunity to re-live my life I wouldn’t change a thing if I knew that I would be in the same place that I am today.
    Everything that was done to me and that I did to other people was necessary for me to learn the lessons and gain the humility and perspective that I have today. Today I am happy, joyous and free.  Today, I realize that the gift of love and compassion given to us by God is meant for all of us……even someone like ME. And hopefully you will realize that if God didn’t give up on me he will never give up on YOU.